Money Talks and Emotional Blocks with Rachelle Siebke | How to Get Rich, Episodes 1 & 2

This week we switch gears and talk about MONEY. 🤑

When this week's guest Rachelle Siebke pitched me on the idea of covering Ramit Sehti's show, How to Get Rich, I wasn't sure if it would be a good fit for the podcast. I was wrong! This is a great series.

On the show the host Ramit Sehti offers financial guidance to people who want to makeover their finances. He talks a lot about designing your rich life and then making money decisions that align with that vision.

I learned a lot from my conversation with Rachelle and I'm sure you will too!

Rachelle Siebke works with life coaches who want to be good with money.

They want someone to show them how to manage their finances so that they can make confident decisions based on how they want their life to look and feel — not just a number in the bank.

She shows them how to get more of what they want and while doing more of what they love.

Connect with Rachelle Siebke:
Website: https://www.rachellesiebke.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rachellesiebke.moneycoach/
Podcast: Profit & Flow Podcast on Spotify: Money in Minutes for Life Coaches
Freebie: Fun Money

Interested in 1:1 life coaching with Lynn Grogan? Click here for details: https://lynngrogan.com/work-with-me/

Follow Lynn Grogan on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lynngrogan/

Original music by David Delaney of The Whiskey Boys: https://www.whiskeyboys.com/

If you enjoy this podcast, leave a review on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/reality-show-life-coach/id1692105316

Transcript

Lynn Grogan:

Alright. Welcome back to the Reality Show Life Coach podcast. Today, we're gonna be talking about not the Bachelorette we have moved on in life. We're gonna talk about How to Get Rich, which is a Netflix series. And today, we're gonna talk about episodes 1 and 2 of that series. And with me today, I have special guest Rachelle Siebke. Rachelle, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself?

Rachelle Siebke:

Thanks for having me, and thanks for, being open to this pitch, which is completely different than what you're used doing here, so this is super fun. I'm a money coach and a general life coach, and I work with life coaches and other creative, heart-centered, purpose-driven entrepreneurs. And they wanna be smart with their money, but they still wanna have a ton of fun. So they want somebody who's gonna really show them those nuts and bolts and sort of handhold and walk with them. But I also really lean on. They know more about their life and their business than I will ever And so, it's sort of this co-creation of how to live their best life, have the most fun with the money that they already have. And then from there, they can expand and grow into more of the life that they wanna create for themselves.

Lynn Grogan:

Yes. And that is exactly why I wanted to bring you on to be a cohost for this entire series. We're gonna do 4 episodes to talk about how to get rich. Rachelle, you're gonna be here every single week with us, and then we're gonna bring on some random guests along the way, some other special guests, to help us have additional perspective. But I just I loved how when we talked a couple weeks ago and you had mentioned that you really help people figure out to, like, put them in the driver's seat and figure out their way with money, that just feels so different to me than how you often hear people in finance talk about money. It's usually like I am the expert here. Let me stow upon you my master plan. And so I just love your approach to things, and I'm super excited to have these conversations with you.

Rachelle Siebke:

Yay. Me too. So good. and I'm a huge fan of Ramit Sehti as well. So it's really fun for me to, be watching this podcast series. A couple of my clients have texted me - my alumni clients, especially, and they're like, oh my gosh, have you seen this series? I'm like, yeah. I was waiting to binge it until I was done with a different certification. So it was really fun to be able to watch it, as we go. So I've only watched that that we're gonna talk about. so I think that's gonna be really fun too.

Lynn Grogan:

Yes. Exactly. And so just a little bit about the series so like Rachelle said, it's it's hosted by Ramit Sehti. He has a book called, "I will teach you to be rich." He has a podcast called I will teach you to be rich. And his philosophy is really that, like, you expend extravagantly on the things that you love, but you cut costs on things that you don't necessarily love or aren't as important to you, which I love. And so on the show, if you haven't watched it yet, he offers guidance to people who want to make over their finances, and he talks about designing a rich life and making money decisions aligned with that. So what we are gonna do on this podcast is basically pick up where Ramit Sehti left off. And I don't know about you, but, like, when I was watching it, I just felt like there was so much more that we could be discussing around the things that we're seeing.

Rachelle Siebke:

Yeah. And, again, the it was sort of an intro, but, I love what you're saying is, like, you know, it makes good TV to just do an intro, but then also if you're, like, really looking for advice and how does this help me, where do I go from there? And, of course, we have different tools. right, as as life coaches, we have different tools. And like you said, the typical, money manager or the typical trite financial advice is going to give you, which, again, Ramit has very fresh behavioral psychology type of advice. But I still think that as life coaches, we have some very specific tools that can be really helpful here.

Lynn Grogan:

Yes. And I know that that's gonna come out. We're gonna talk about there's 3 different groups that are on the first two episodes. We have Amani and Matt. There's Donelle and Monique, and then we have Nathalie. And so we're just gonna dive in, and we're gonna talk about each of these three groups and just kind of what we saw and what we think and kind of some additional insights, tools, etcetera, on what you might do if you were watching it yourself and wanted to learn more. So well, Rachelle, do you wanna kick us off with that first couple Amani and Matt and just kinda what you saw in their interactions?

Rachelle Siebke:

So, Amani and Matt, so Amani is the main breadwinner. she's 27. She's in sales. She's a high income earner. And it's variable due to commissions. They avoid talking about money because they often will end in a fight. and we can see in the, intro series there her way of fighting is sort of like, well, if we're gonna do this, I'm just not gonna talk about it anymore. And it's a really interesting, like, couple study because it's a little bit of, like, the reverse gender roles that we usually see, which is when there's the male breadwinner and the female stays home, right? And again, lots of, changes is we have many more stay at home dads now, which I think is a great thing. but also the same sort of dynamic show up even when we reverse gender roles as far as like who's the breadwinner and who's the one who's staying home. And Matt really talks about what I really felt for him. When he talks about, like, I work harder than I ever have before, and I get less respect and less reward. So I really felt for him there. I also really felt, I felt for Amani too because I could see she was like, hey, I don't wanna fight about this and I don't wanna go there. and so I felt for her. I felt for, him as he was, like, trying to talk and share and, like, be part of solution. and as somebody who, like, my main trigger wound in relationship is stonewalling. Right? So stonewalling would be like when somebody shuts you off, like, shuts down and won't won't continue the conversation with you. So I felt a lot for the for this particular couple.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. I did too. I mean, this is the dynamic in my relationship, like, for last several years. I've been the main breadwinner. while my husband pursues his dream of writing a novel. And so when I was watching this, like, I related to a lot of it too because while you want to, you know, like, just be like, everything's great and fine. Like, I think there's just things that come up, and I am definitely the one that's stonewalls in my relationship when things come to that. and he's the much more communicative one. So I watched that, and I was like, okay. I see I see some of the things that in that that I've experience myself. And so I think that's why even starting out with this one, I my first question actually from, like, before, like, the client perspective is, like, How do you have conversations like that more effectively? Because you really do see on the show where Amani and Matt shut down and they just seem so in pain. Because they want they obviously came on the show for a reason. They want a different relationship to money in their relationship. They're just not sure how to go about it. And there's just a lot of blame, maybe some shame involved, and they just seem to be in that, like, repetitive cycle in their conversations.

Rachelle Siebke:

Yeah. so I think I have a really interesting perspective around this. I sort of accidentally ended up working with a somatica coach. So I was in between relationships, so I wasn't looking for a dating coach or for anybody who is like a relationship or a marriage coach. but I had a friend that was going through somatica training, and she was looking people to practice with.

Lynn Grogan:

What is somatica training?

Rachelle Siebke:

Somatica is like a special, like like, branded. Right? It's it's like, a certain branded type of somatic training. And somatic is anything that's related to the body. So feelings and emotions, but also somatica does a lot of intimacy and vulnerability. and so one of the things that has been really fascinating for me is, my somatica coach taught me this repair conversation. And, I really like what she talks about here where she says the most important thing is not about coming up with a solution. The most important thing in a conflict is letting the other person say what they need to say fully and then you validating them. It doesn't mean you agree with them, but it does mean I see you, I hear you, and I don't think you're crazy. So -- And then imagine, like, how that changes what you're willing to share.

Lynn Grogan:

100%. I mean, I think about, Amani and Matt And just, like, if you were just thinking about from, like, her perspective, like hers would probably look like, you know, I feel like I'm taking on everything. I feel like I'm the only one that's looking at the finances. I feel stressed about this all the time. I feel alone in this and just to have him listen to say and just say, yeah. Like, how what would his response sound like? in the framework of the relay of that conversation that you mentioned.

Rachelle Siebke:

Yeah. So I really hope that we get there with with the series. I don't know where we're gonna go with that. and again, we've just had an interview or like a a overview at this point, so we don't know what their actual underlying things are. I think this is the most important thing, right? When we really know what those underlying pieces are, then we can see people And again, it it it is a very specific skill to sort of divide these columns and put them like, I see that you're worried about this. And I also see that this is not me that you're worried about. Because I think the number one thing that we see in in couples, right, is, like, I don't trust you financially. And we think, well, I haven't done anything, you know, wrong, or it's been a long time since I did something wrong or I'm trying really hard, why can't you just forgive me? But when we can sort of separate them and see that they're 2 separate columns, We can let our guard down a little bit, and then we can allow people to really have their own disappointments.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. because I think maybe if I'm hearing you correctly, what usually happens and what we see happen on the show is When one person or the other in that relationship says something, the other person hears it, but thinks it's -- attacking them almost and it doesn't feel good. And so they feel like they need to defend themselves. But instead, what you're saying is letting them have their own experience almost and being in that role.

Rachelle Siebke:

Yeah. So, like, if I would give an example, I would say for my past relationship, I have betrayal trauma, which basically means I thought I had one specific sort of life. And then one day I found out not the life I have at all. Right? And so I have a lot of, like, untouched nerve endings that will come up and be like, oh, I don't know if I should trust this. Right? And it's really for me, like, that's my open wound. And I really need a partner to be, like, oh, I see that you have this open wound, and I see that you're not blaming that's on me.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. So, like, it creates a sense of safety because You can have your open wound, but not feel like somebody's gonna throw some salt in it, or, like, something's gonna happen.

Rachelle Siebke:

Like, it's, like, always okay to have this wound.

Rachelle Siebke:

Yeah. I get where you're coming from. I see that. I know that's really painful for you. Now can, like, once I can be fully seen and heard and accepted as I am, then over here, we can talk about, like, what's the result for this. But as as we're talking, you know, if we're stuck in this, like, reflecting, deflecting, blaming, like, dodging. Right? I don't want this to be my fault. It makes it really difficult to get to a point And and honestly, the other thing that I think has been really interesting about the somatica repair approaches Once you're completely seen and heard, it almost doesn't even matter if the issue is resolved. Like, so many fights are really about everybody wanting to be seen and heard and accepted and feeling like they're not seen or heard or accepted unless they're on the same page. And the truth is we're all very individual people with very individual wants and needs and desires. It's really unlikely that we're ever gonna align neatly on what we think like the task or the action should be. so that's sort of my, That's I think the biggest takeaway for me, sort of overall, right, in every single area. In my self coaching, I also use this repair conversation, which is a little bit different. Like, I have to switch it up a little bit. Right? because there's not two people. But oftentimes, when we talk about in life coaching, sort of being, like, afraid of being gaslit, or spiritual bypassing, it's very often because we're not validating our own experiences or somebody else is not validating our own experiences. So I think we've all been in a situation where we've been in a conversation or, we've been coached. And the thing is, like, well, You know, is that really true or is just that just the way that you're thinking about it? And that can feel horrible. And it feels so much different when you're just like yeah. Okay. Uh-huh. I'm with you. I see why that's so painful.

Lynn Grogan:

I think this is where, like, my coach brain was getting a little, like, conflicted is Ramit's first suggest suggestion to them is to think more big picture and design their rich life. And I was like, that sounds amazing. Right? What are we going toward versus what are we running away from? Good. Great. But I was like, it seemed like it was really challenging for them to have conversations in general. And so it was almost like jumping to what we want. And it's like, we can't even have a conversation about these other things without causing a lot tension in grief. And, you know, we do see this in the episode. Like, they, as a couple decide, like, hey, we're gonna pause on this for a moment. This is a lot for us. We're overwhelmed, which I give credit to them because they realize like, okay. Maybe this is a little bit too much for us. spoiler, they do continue on. But to me, I I love the approach to think big picture, but then I was also, like, I feel like we're missing the part where we can conversations in general. So I was like, it felt a little bit like, kind of a one size fits all solution. Like, oh, just go dream about your life. And then we see, like, okay. Well, they brought them themselves to it, which makes sense, which makes sense.

Rachelle Siebke:

Yeah. I do, I completely understand what you're saying and also, I really love to start with the dreaming too because At the end of the day, nobody wants to be good with their money because they want, like, an organized financial file, right, like, they wanna know exactly how many dollars they have. Right? At the end of the day, the only reason that discipline around money makes any sense. is that we get the thing that we want. And so I think daydreaming together is a couple, first of all, I highly recommend daydreaming independently first, doing it on your own and with no like, pressure to know how you're gonna get it. Right? It's like, if wouldn't it be cool? I actually like this prompt better. Wouldn't it be cool if... Because it feels less like a goal that I'm studying, and I have to be able to, like, break it down into these measurable steps. Right? But, like, The first thing I wanna do is just allow myself to, like, fully expand into what would happen if I could Like, if my life could look and feel any way I wanted it to, what would it actually look and feel like?

Rachelle Siebke:

No. I was just gonna say, so that's sort of like, I I think that's where he's going. love that. He shares a journal with everybody at the at the, at the beginning. So, yeah, what were you gonna say there?

Lynn Grogan:

Well, I hadn't really thought about, like, thinking about this separately.

Lynn Grogan:

And and maybe that would be a way for, you know, the couple that we're seeing, like, maybe that would be a way for them to feel a little bit safer. Like, okay. I can see this here. I mean, and, like, the coach in me wants to, like, really encourage someone to just be like, hey. Let yourself dream. If you notice yourself squashing it like, well, I could never do that, or I would never have money for that. Just be like, hey. It's okay. It's cool. Like, the logistics of this, we don't even have to figure that out right now. It doesn't have to be a part of this conversation. just let yourself dream a little bit before, like, because we're just so quick to squash things often.

Rachelle Siebke:

Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. And we're so socialized as well. to really, I mean, as women, socialize to to defer to our partner, I think men would also argue that they are socialized to defer to their Right? Like, this, like, phrase being, like, you know, happy wife, happy life. Right? They hear that just as much as we hear life. you know, be a supportive, you know, and again, I'm talking very heteronormative, language here, but just the idea of dreaming independently, allowing ourselves to have that space. and then being able to share that openly and vulnerable, but we can't really be open and vulnerable with other people until we have that self reflection and the ability to be open and vulnerable with ourselves.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. Yeah. I was gonna say, like, as you were talking, I was like, that sounds like such a vulnerable act. Just be like, okay. Here's the really big life that I wanna create. What does yours look like? You know? And it's like, And if they don't if they if they are compatible, these life dreams, amazing. And if they're not, how do we navigate that? And does it really matter? if they're You know, it's just, and that's why I think it's, like, wonderful. What you do as a coach - sometimes we just need that guidance, like, a little bit of guidance to help us dream a little bit bigger and to point out, like, hey. You know what? I just noticed you limiting yourself there. Like, I noticed you, like, squashing the dream before you could even have it. Like, what if we just expanded and just, like, allowed that to be there? Just for a minute.

Rachelle Siebke:

Mhmm. Yeah. And I think, you know, I when you and I had talked, when we were doing our just networking coffee chat, we both really were oh, I love this phrase, but it's like, what is the thing that you want so badly? It makes you blush when you say it out loud. Right? And I think that is the most important work that I do is allowing somebody to have space to I I do my work very similar words. Like, here's some journal prompts. Answer these questions by yourself. And then when they get to my session, I'm like, well, tell me about that. and say more about that. Right? And I'm really not doing a whole lot of like, oh, don't do it. Like, and I'm just like, tell me more. Like, why? Why do you love that? Right? And it feels like this long girlfriend hour, right, where we're just, like, talking and, like, expanding, expanding, expanding. And when we like, leave the session. We're both, like, you know, we're, like, ten times bigger, like, our hearts are, you know, have grown. but, you know, you're right. We don't have a lot of space in our lives and our society for big dreams that and this is the thing that I love about your work too, that are not conventional. They're not the dreams that everybody has told us, but are the things that make us successful. It's like, what's the thing that you feel like the floor should open up and swallow you if you say it out loud. What's the thing that makes you blush? Like, that is the thing that we wanna make make sure that you're putting most of your time, energy, and money to, at least some of it, because I think that's really where we start to sort of die out and and feel burnt out in our lives is like, this thing I want more than anything, I won't allow myself to have it. I can't possibly imagine how I'm gonna ever have it. I have to squash it. I have to defer it. I have to, like, you know, deny myself. And so, yeah, I think you're a 100% right. It's hard to do that for yourself. let alone share it with somebody, let alone now there's like this double weight, right? If we're coming into the relationship conversation about money and hear some stress and some tension. And then I'm also gonna tell you all of the other things that I wanna do on top of the ways that we're already struggling and not being able to make those ends meet 100%. it's a very like, sticky topic. It's very hard to do by yourself. So I I do think that it's important to have somebody, whether it's a coach or a trusted friend, a private journal, to allow you to have that, like, full expansion.

Lynn Grogan:

Yes. I like that word too, like, kind of expand because you already have some ideas and so how can we expand them even more? Well, we see similar if we were gonna move on to Donelle and Monique, we see, like, another couple who's also having, you know, difficulties talking about money. They're a little bit older than our first couple. They're late thirties, 40s. They have 3 kids. They make, around $93,000. They have a bit of debt. And once Monique, the woman in the relationship, she has just quit her job to pursue a business. And I think the way that they got on the show is Donelle was just like, go do this thing. And she did not know anything about it, but I love to see her spirit and energy of embracing the whole show. Like, you wouldn't have guessed that. But they talk about, like, not being on the same page with money and they talk about, they do have a shared goal. their rich life looks like them owning a home. And so, but their communication issues seemed different to me. And I was trying to pinpoint what it was. Like, what was different about their communication versus the first couple that we saw?

Rachelle Siebke:

I think from this small overview that we've had so far, their differences is they don't discuss money because they're looking to avoid the argument. so they're they're keeping their money separate but not because they know in, like, their reasons, but because it's like, I don't trust you to do the thing that you say you're gonna do. and I don't want that to have a negative impact on me. Yeah. And so I think the way that they sort of handled it to point is to just divide their finances, which, again, I think there is no one right or wrong way. I work with plenty of couples that keep them completely separate. I work plenty of couples that keep them together. I really like sort of a hybrid of that, which is where we take percentages and, contribute jointly to a joint account and all of, like, the bills and the shared goal come out of the joint account, but each person has individual re spending money. but to me, that that's sort of what was happening there. It's like they were keeping their money separate But sort of by keeping their money separate, they were keeping their, their progress separate too. Like, they they weren't as partnered to move forward. And and the same thing that you're saying, right? Like, the first couple also wasn't partnered But their situation was a little bit different, and we we didn't talk on that. Do you mind if I go back to that for one second? Yeah. Yeah. So I think that was the thing that was really interesting, because the first couple, Armani and Matt talked about when Matt was the breadwinner supporting the family or, you know, maybe the main breadwinner, he had a joint account that they paid the bills out of. And now that Armani is the main, breadwinner, it sounds to me like he doesn't have any sort of free spending allowance, or a joint account. And so everything, every decision needs to run through her. so I do think that there are 2 separate flavors of not discussing. What was your take on why they, like, how it was different?

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. I think that's exactly right. It almost seemed like with the Donelle and Monique is they maybe it earlier on in their relationship had issues where with the shared And they just came up with a solution. It wasn't for them, like, a perfect solution. You talking about, like, kind of them running in separate tracks seems very accurate to me. And they both seem like Like, this is good enough for us to have these separate. Like, this is working for us. We don't know why we can't get ahead. I mean, they say that quite a few times. It just isn't like we can never get ahead or whatever. And I think it's maybe because they have shared goals, but the way of getting there isn't shared. Like, there's no, like, path for them to find. but, yeah, I mean, I think I think if this was working for them. I mean, maybe they wouldn't be on this show at all. Like, totally fine. It just seemed like the reason that they made the decisions that they did is they were trying to, and you have this in here avoid conflict. Like, oh, we'll have our own money because I don't Monique said, like, I don't trust you. You have an Amazon issue. Like, I don't trust you with the joint finances. And so, so I they seemed totally fine with their solution just because they're like, what because we don't have to fight now, and it didn't seem like they, it was for the re like, I don't know if they if they took a step back, they would like their reasons. for doing it.

Rachelle Siebke:

Mhmm. Yeah. And and again, everybody likes the reason of short term avoiding conflict, right? Like everybody's on board with that. But the problem is, like you mentioned, like, you know, they have grandchildren and they would like to own a house. Like, that's their main motivation. another thing I wanna give, like, a lot of shout outs here. I think I mean, you mentioned this already in in our notes, which was like, they're so ready. Right? Like, they're showing up. They're like, okay. If that's what you're like, yeah. I can have that done by tomorrow. Is that what you want me to do? Right? Like, if you think I should, you know, shut down this account or, simplify these things, like, yeah, no problem. I can do that. And I think, like, Ramon needs to leave her job to do this amazing badass woodworking thing, like, gorgeous work for 1. For 2, she's so, at one point, like, ready to return this person she has bought. Right? Like, these sort of cards. -- dollar purse. Which, like, luckily, she hadn't used it yet. So that was an option for her to return that hers and use it for 3 months of like creating her own office, like, renting a small office space so that she can actually get her business out of that small, area in the front front of their house. And and, you know, that's, a way that she's willing to invest in herself and in her company so that, you know, more revenue will be coming in. So I I think that this couple is super amazing. And I love how they sort of tease each other, but not meanly. Like, I don't feel like there's any meaning. Yeah. And I think that's maybe the difference that you were sort of saying, like, what is different. Like, they sort of both don't communicate both couples, but I think that that was sort of the difference that I thought. Like, the first couple maybe have just fallen into this pattern of almost like hitting below the belt sort of. Yeah.

Lynn Grogan:

They were maybe more blame cycles and this one they didn't seem like they were really blaming each other. It was just like, oh, we're we're just like doing our own things, but I think, like, What I liked about them is they seem very receptive to, like, when Ramit was, like, kind of like, what do you want more? And you know, she was like, wow. You know what? I wanna invest in my business more than I want this purse. And for him, he, like, kinda started thinking about, like, well, maybe I do want to pay off debt to work forward than to have this storage unit that cost me so much money or maybe this online gaming that I do that cost me so much money. And they think that, like, for them, it seemed almost like a lack of a compelling reason tied to the possibility of it happening. They have a compelling reason. I think both of them just didn't think it's gonna be a possibility. So why would we in, like, put our money towards things if we didn't think we're gonna be able to get it? I mean, we are human. Most humans, if they don't think a thing is possible, they're not gonna invest time and energy into it. And I think that's where Ramit coming in and just being like, yeah. Like, you know, Here's a possibility, but there's also gonna be a little bit of immediate pain when you don't get the things that you want, the purse, the new sneakers and, you know, hat or whatever he had purchased. And so, so this is where I think You know, you could just really see, like, two people that are ready and just needed a slight change of way of thinking about things in order to approach it differently.

Rachelle Siebke:

Mhmm. Yeah. I thought it was really interesting there too when they're talking about the video game habits. And he's like, I spend, like, 400 to 600 a month and when he asked him, like, when you say 400 to 600, is it 600? He's like, yeah. But it's such a great example of lifestyle creep subscriptions are like, you know, they know exactly what they're doing, these companies when they have a sign for subscriptions. They know that we're gonna sign up, that we're not gonna feel like compelled to shut it down because it's only $13. But when we start looking at $13 by how many. Also, the other one, like, I love the way he walks them through calculators. this is this and this is this and this calculation, it's gonna do this for you. Because for me, I do the same thing with my clients. It's like, if we were to shut down this

Rachelle Siebke:

subscription that you're not using and we put that towards your credit card instead, because you're not using it, Look how much faster you're paying off your credit card. It it's saving you this many dollars, and it's saving you this much time in months. so that you can, again, not so that you can have, like, this, like, like, award that you don't have a credit card debt, but, like, so that you can have your spending power back.

Lynn Grogan:

Yes. Well, and I think they just needed to see the reason. They just needed to be like, Oh, okay. When you do the math like that, it's like one more kid. Right? Why do I have to learn geometry? What is this for? But then if you can actually, like, like, Put it on something and just say, okay. Well, this equals that. Suddenly, it's not as compelling anymore to have that $13 subscription. if you love it and you're like, hey. This is paying for my Netflix. This is paying for my Spotify or whatever. Keep it. But if it's just something that you're like, I'm just kinda you know, I don't feel like bothering, calling up the people and canceling. That's worth looking at, and especially if you have a compelling reason to do it.

Rachelle Siebke:

Absolutely. And so that's the other, the other tool that I use as my clients is naming our savings. Right? And so a lot of times people will come to me and say, like, okay, my goal is to pay off my debt or save more money. And then, like, rate. Right? It it sounds like a good goal, but the thing is there's no emotional connection to it. So what I would rather have you say is I'm saving to go to Paris. This thing that makes me blush, I want it so badly, right? Whatever it is, even if it's I wanna pay off my credit card so that I can make a trip to Paris, right? So I can make future plans, whatever those plans are for you. Having a named savings account or a named goal that brings up some sort of, like, emotion for you, it makes it so much easier to do the would you rather. Would you rather this or would you rather that?

Lynn Grogan:

I love that because I I don't know. I just I think about that, like, for my own business. It's like, if I just made, like, an arbitrary goal, like, oh, well, lots people say a 100 k per year or whatever. It's like, those are numbers on a page. But once I, like, actually start thinking about, like, what's something that's meaningful to me to attach a goal to. It makes it so much more compelling to, like, show up in the ways that I want to. Mhmm. And to just kinda invest in a different way. So I love that idea, like, of actually naming it, of actually putting something on it because And Ramit doesn't talk about this in the show, but I feel like it would very much align with, like, his idea of that rich life.

Rachelle Siebke:

Totally. And he does talk about automating savings a lot in his book. I don't know if he'll get around to that in the show. I did think this was interesting. They talked about multiple accounts and multiple credit cards, in, I'm sorry. I'm just, like, looking back at. Yeah. Denelle and Monique's, scenario. And I really think, the issue is less that they have multiple accounts and more that they don't know how it flows together. And so Remit actually asked them to like hey, close this down. It's too complicated and complex, but in the system that I use, I actually do have multiple accounts because I take the money out of my main account and put it in automated savings. So my process is basically doing the single year at the beginning of the year, like, what's the thing that would be the coolest for me to do for myself this year? And usually it's some sort of trip, some sort of education, some sort of, like, home remodel. And then once I I well, I allow myself to just get really big with it, and then I'll select a couple main goals. And then out of each of those, main goals, I'm like, okay, this is the dollar amount. This is the time frame I wanna do it in, and now I'm gonna automate. So let's say I have a trip that's 3600 to dollars. I know I wanna do it in the next 6 months. So now I know I need to automate $600 out of my, checking account in some way to a savings account. The beauty about that is, like, once I know that that's my goal and what I'm, like, I don't have to worry about am I overspending in areas because there's nothing in my checking account I can overspent. It's, like, gone before I can get there. it's sort of forced scarcity ahead of time. so it depends how you wanna look at it. Right? I think sometimes you can solve a problem with action. Sometimes you do wanna know, like, what your thoughts and feelings are about that. But for me, I find it to be easier to sort of do that automation ahead of time and then also, like, match my my thought and my feeling to be like, actually, I'm really proud of for this. I'm really grateful that this is already, like, taken care of. So I just have to set it and forget it, and it's as good as clockwork. Like, by the time June rolls around, I'm gonna have money to do this trip.

Lynn Grogan:

Yes. because that's something he doesn't really describe. We, I've watched now the first two episodes twice. And when he's just like, close down all those credit cards, I guess when I are looking at each other, like, okay, but wait. Why? Because you know, we're kind of the same way where it's like, okay. But if you know what the purpose is for each of these, it serves a purpose. The only thing I could think of is Well, you mentioned lack of flow, or if they're just overspending, like, if it's too tempting for them, He doesn't really give a description of it, though.

Rachelle Siebke:

Yeah. A 100%. And I think that's the other thing that's really important to know yourself. Right? If you do not trust yourself to not use your credit card, if you're not using it, shut it down. If you are like, hey, actually I'm never gonna use credit card, but I'm just gonna keep it open. It's better for my credit because I have more credit line available to me, I have a longer history of credit. Like, all of those things are true for your credit score, but the the most important thing is all of that goes out of the window. If you use your credit card and you don't pay it off in full, all of those benefits are like out the door. So Oftentimes we get this really trite financial advice that is benefiting the banks and not you. So we just wanna be really careful about who's getting the best benefit. out of the advice that we're getting.

Lynn Grogan:

Yes. Well, is there anything else that you wanted to say about Donelle and Monique before we move on to Nathalie?

Rachelle Siebke:

I think that's I think that's, good. Yeah.

Lynn Grogan:

Okay. So, Nathalie, I am really hard time wrapping my head around her situation. So she's, this beautiful French woman. She lives in, like, LA Beverly Hills area. She grew up with her mom who she said is poor. Her father was wealthy. And she has an income that most people probably don't really see. She's a high income earner. She has money that's coming in from alimony, and she is very I I don't even know how to describe this. And, like, I think you have a different take on things. I was like, does she not wanna ability for her money. Is she spending for comfort? She seems to spend she spends, like, half a $1,000,000 a year on shopping. And I was, like, just having a hard time with this because it really seemed like Nathalie's daughter, like, nominated her for the show, and her mom's just like, yeah. Okay. I'll go with it. Dear daughter, you want me to do this, but I was I was having a hard time connecting with this, and I was hoping you could shed some light.

Rachelle Siebke:

Yeah. No. I, a 100%. I think anybody who watches it is going to, you know, at least brush up against some, like, alarm or judgment, right, because again

Lynn Grogan:

-- I did for sure.

Rachelle Siebke:

Right? And it we're human. Right? And it's TV that's sort of, like, meant to make us sort of think that, right, so a

Rachelle Siebke:

I actually think And I I don't know yet what is behind the spending. So if there's something behind the spending that wants to and is ready to be addressed, then, you know, I reserve the right to change my perspective on this, right? But from where I'm sitting right now, I find it really interesting. she did say at some point, like, oh, yeah. You know, I don't like to do homework, but I gotta re make Remi happy. And I think this is such a great thing to underline. Oftentimes, we do sort of hire a coach and then, like, put it off on them. Like, well, coach, are you gonna fix me? Like, It can't be because the coach wants you to change. It can't be because your daughter wants you to change. It can't be because your spouse wants you to change. At the end of the day, only thing that's really going to, like, break that indulge, deprive. Right? Like and she just seems like completely uninterested in doing any sort of depriving, and she's completely on the indulgent spectrum, which I think is what's so shocking. What what do you say for that?

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. I mean, I found it to be shocking because The amount of money that they talk about her seeing, I was like, that could set somebody up for a lifetime. Ramit mentions it being, like, potentially generational money And I think I think that's what it is. Actually, now that is you're talking is she doesn't seem like compelled to change. She's just kinda like, you know what? Money comes. Money goes and doesn't seem to be much strife. She doesn't talk about any, like, rock bottom moment where she was out of money. And she's like, oh, yeah. Once I had to borrow money from her friend, but seemed very blase about it. I think, you know, you had mentioned she kinda has this figured out attitude. And I don't know. My husband and I were talking. I was like, she totally strikes me as someone that was just in the circles she runs in. If the alimony wasn't coming in, there would be some other arrangement that she would figure out that would keep her running in those circles and figuring it out. She doesn't strike me as somebody who's gonna be, like, at some point, shopping at Target and, you know, like, not spending half a 1,000,000 of money. She would just figure it out. And so I I think it's really her daughter that thinks that there's a problem. And you pointed this on in our notes.

Rachelle Siebke:

And I really feel for her daughter. Right? So, like, I do really feel for her daughter. she's worried. She's worried about her mom, and she It's probably, you know, she's worried about her own tuition. Sometimes her tuition doesn't get paid or or or it gets to the point where they're like, oh, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to pay for the college tuition. has to be so frustrating when you're seeing how much money is going through in shopping and then like, hey. What about, like, this thing that I actually in order to, like, continue. So, I definitely feel for that, and so I don't wanna minimize that part at all. And I also had to, like, give it to Natalie, like, what a loving nurturing caring mom to be like, okay, babe. You want me to do this thing? Like, Sure. I'll do it. I'll try it. I'll, you know, if you want me to change, let's have a conversation. I think the daughter is also so supportive to say like, mom, You could totally do a business plan. You've got this.

Rachelle Siebke:

I'll sit down and help you. I thought they had such a beautiful relationship, so I really appreciated that. I think the thing that's fun for me is one of the conversations I have a lot with other coaches. Sometimes I will get people who will DM or respond to my newsletters. And they're like, you know what? I just need to work on my scarcity mindset, or I need to have a more abundant mindset. I think this is very unique to the coaching world, and probably the creative entrepreneur space as well. I don't I asked to actually, my partner, the guy I'm dating, I was like, have you ever heard, like, scarcity mindset? He's like, yeah, from you. So it's definitely not like a This is definitely not like an average conversation, that, you know, most of people are having, but I just think that she's a great example of what people think an abundant mindset would be. Right? Like, they sort of judge themselves for not having any like yeah. They sort of judge themselves for thinking, like, you know, I should have a plan and this money might, right, run out. And to me, this is such a great example of what it would look like. If you were just, like, all the way to abundant all of the time

Lynn Grogan:

-- You like the show of money coming. It's fine.

Rachelle Siebke:

And it's just it's so shocking to see. It's so different. Right? It's so different than we, again, extremely socialized, like, You better save for a rainy day, a a rainy day. You could end up a bag lady. You could end up living under a bus or under a bridge somewhere in a van. Right? Like, it's very, like, shame on you and don't spend everything. And so I think, you know, we really are so socialized to really sort of, like, put the year of everything into us to not to overspend. And she's just such a, like, completely different end of the spectrum on that. but it's kind of it's kind of fun to see, though, in that and this is why I think that I have a lot of entrepreneurs that I work with. that judge themselves for having that risk tolerance, they're like, oh, man, I'm so irresponsible. I'm just like, impulsive, and I just do the thing, and then I have to, like, figure it out later. And I'm like, man, I think it's so incredible that you have this, like, risk tolerance to be like, I wanted to do this thing, so I did it. And now I'm gonna figure out how to take care of it, and I really kinda see some of that thread in Nathalie.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. I'm I kinda be laughing because I'm laughing because I'm like, oh, that's me. I'm like, I'm always just like figuring out. I mean, it was by my very early age. I was like, I couldn't, I didn't have the money to, like, study abroad. So I was like, I figured out how to work abroad. And I was like, I have a $1000. I'm gonna move to Ireland. It's gonna be amazing. And I remember my friend just being like, what if it doesn't work out? I'm like, that didn't even occur to me.

Lynn Grogan:

I was like, oh, it's just gonna work out. And it did. Right? But I, like, I like that you said that that it's easy to judge yourself for that because we think we should be, like, more measured and more planned. And my approach is just I mean, like, it's just my approach, and it, like, kind of works for me. But there's also a lot of other approaches that work for other people, and it really is like a risk tolerance thing. Like, what you know, if if I was activated all the time around it, like, it wouldn't be working for me.

Rachelle Siebke:

Mhmm. Yes. And I think that's the thing that really shows up here. Right? Like, we would totally be activated to see that much money moving out of our accounts. So when we watch it, we're like, alarmed, right? But And again, I'm not saying that there shouldn't be some changes if they're in alignment with her and they're what she wants. And if You know, if she's overspending from, some sort of armored position and it's hurtful for her, then for sure, let's talk about that. for sure, let's give her daughter some comfort and peace of mind. She would love to have that, like all of those things, but I just wanted to play a little bit of devil's advocate on that thought because I think so often, especially as women, we're really trained to see the other thing, which is like, Well, you'll never know when you're gonna see that money again.

Lynn Grogan:

Right. Yeah. And I mean, I do have to say there must there's There must be something that her daughter is concerned. Like, she's obviously seen a lifetime of her mom's coming, spending. And so there's obviously some reason that she's reacting to her mom and the way she is. Maybe we'll see more of it on the show. Maybe not. But, but, yeah, it is I I love the diversity and the experiences that we're seeing here because they're all very different, but I think it's like we can find something of ourselves in almost every single one of these stories that can pull from and just be like, oh, I mean, all of them are invited to think about your rich life. I think we could all do with thinking about that on a regular basis. know, they're all invited to just be more mindful of it and just be more aware of what's happening. And so, that's what they have in common, but there's just a lot of situations. like, different situations that we were saying.

Rachelle Siebke:

I have to say too, one of the things that I really, respect and admire about Ramit is that He is, you know, friends with the Tim Ferris', and the Marie Forleos. And, it has held out and not started a podcast until the last couple of years because he was like, I don't wanna just put out another podcast that people can get anywhere So he really waited until inspiration struck that he was like, this is the thing. And his podcast is amazing. It's called I will teach you to be rich. And it is real couples, real numbers, real problems, and we very rarely get a peek at any of that. and so I off often I will gift his book to my clients, and I will often suggests that they listen to the podcast with their partner. It's a great way to have a discussion about somebody else's money. Right? It's like You can talk about the things that matter to you, but a little bit distant. So there's a little less triggering happening.

Lynn Grogan:

Yes. I love that. I love that advice because, yeah, it's not your money. It's not your situation. Exactly. So it's a little bit safer to have those conversations. okay. I feel like we could talk forever, which is good news that you'll be on the next 3 weeks on here because we have way more to talk about. But if somebody wanted to find you today online, where would they go looking?

Rachelle Siebke:

Yeah. So thanks for asking. I also have a very short podcast, it's called Profit & Flow. It's currently on Spotify. It's money and minutes for life coaches and other heart centered entrepreneurs. So all of the episodes are between 5-8 minutes. I ask a short question. I give a little bit of teaching and then they talk about how you can do it yourself or how you could work with me, as your one on one mentor to do it. So, that's a really fun easy way to get in there and get some, like, quick money minute fixes. and the other thing that you can do is go to, rachellesiebke.com. or if you go to rachellesiebke.moneycoach on Instagram and go to my link and bio, there's a fun money guide And so I really like to say you don't need 1 single more money rule, but you could probably spend a little bit more fun. You could probably stand to spend a little bit more fun with your money. Right? So, the Fun Money Guide is some way that you can have some habits and routines that support your values, but also some fun money playlist and, different podcast interviews and things that I've bends on so you could be exposed to a little bit of the vibe in different, conversations I've been having.

Lynn Grogan:

So Yes. I love it. And I'll have links in the show notes, so it's easy to find. well, Rachelle, thanks for coming on today. And, of course, we'll see you in the 3 weeks, so we get to have continue having the conversation together. So thank you so much for being here.

Rachelle Siebke:

Thanks for having me.